Ne Me Mori Facias
by brokenseraphim
Summary: "Do not let me die." A dance of lies, sin, and corruption under the scorching flames of our burning souls only reminds us how monstrously human we really are. There's a thin line between love and obsession I can't see, and I'm falling, hard. SephOC
1. Look at Me

**Summary: **"I didn't learn how to walk til age 5, didn't learn my ABC's til age 6, didn't learn how to wipe my own ass til age 7, didn't learn how to dream til age 14. I didn't know how to live, til I met you." He smirked, and I swore to rip him a new one. SephOC

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Oh, well except for my OC.

Song of the chapter : Sum 41- Look at Me

**Ne Me Mori Facias**

**Chapter One: Look at Me**

Wutai is evil.

They deserve to die.

They're nothing but monsters.

Kill them all.

Shinra seems to be spitting out these shameless slogans like lame infomercials do cheesy catchphrases but hey, I'm hooked. Hooked around slimy, nail bitten, sausage-like fingers to the point where I can't discern my ass from my face. Hm. Well I guess they don't look very different anyway.

The only thing that keeps me from picking up a pitchfork and screaming bloody murder like a fourteen year old coke addict is my brother, Valin. The guy is probably scarier than any other metal armored, chinky-eyed Wutain soldier. After all, Valin isn't the type of angsty teenager to listen. Hell, he is so bad at it that sometimes I wondered if a baby chocobo shit in his ear—it certainly looks like it. I swear, that guy does _not_ know the definition of hygiene. Besides being filthy though, he's brutal, closed-minded, and violent—as dangerous as they come. But I love him anyway, him and the irony.

I wish I could say the same for the other brother.

_Oh, _Yuan. My dear, dear little brother Yuan who is four feet ten inches and ninety seven pounds of Wutain meat—I can just eat. Him. Up.

Yuan is the only Wutain kid in Banora Village. He's the only one with those dark brown, slanted eyes, and with all the anti-Wutai propaganda festering, those eyes are going to be gouged out sometime soon. Maybe I'm going to be the one to do it. But then again…No. I probably won't be, since I _am_ a coward. I'll just leave it to the vultures. It would be a dreadful shame to dirty my hands with his blood; after all I'm a germophobe. And yes, yes that is a joke. Revel in my comedic genius. Muahaha.

To be honest, it's not that I despise Wutains or Wutai at all, for that matter. I just love Valin too much. And Valin, Valin loves Yuan too much. This whole melodramatic fiasco of blood, death, desperation, and betrayal is only a product of _love._ Who could believe such a wretched farce? _God_, the Planet sure is one ironic bitch. If I were any more sadistic, I would find it funny.

Unfortunately, I 'm not. So when Yuan plasters his body to my side, I just smile and pet his head. I need my personal space, but the six year old is a slow thinker in the complex area of common sense. I want to spit on his head.

I chuckle to myself at the thought, it would be hilarious. Hell, I would have done it too but Valin struts in with all his glory of unzipped pants and uncombed hair. Ah, sophisticated.

"Hey." He flicks off the television screen that shows cartoon chocobo pecking each other. "It's time to go. Now, get your butts off the couch and get to school before I dropkick you there."

I roll my eyes. Valin's always acting so high and mighty, like he owns the world. He's so arrogant sometimes I wonder if he he's ventured somewhere and get laid. But that would never happen, because Valin hates every single breathing organism in Banora, male and female alike. Besides, he doesn't have much to work with, anyway. I'd know, I did take baths with him as a kid. Once that size, there is no more hope. The poor thing.

Lazily, I drag myself out of the living room with Yuan's sock muffled footsteps behind me. I forcibly shove my feet into my sneakers, feeling much too apathetic to go through the trouble of untying and retying the shoelaces. If things went my way, I would wear the cheesy ones with the Velcro straps to save me the trouble but Valin said I was being stupid.

I had thrown a shoe at him.

He threw one back harder.

Then, all of a sudden, a huge, fat chocobo God soared through the sky. We knew it was a Chocobo god, cuz well, you know, Chocobos don't actually fly. It landed right on top of the shoe store and took a massive dump on every single Velcro strap shoe and when it finally finished, it squawked one last beautiful squawk before it keeled over. Immediately, all the villagers climbed out of their holes and attacked the dead body for some yummay fried chicken.

That was the legend of how Yameru got shoe-laced sneakers. The End. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here until Thursday, folks!

I silently applaud myself and jump to my feet, suddenly feeling energetic. Standing Ovation! Snickering, I lean against the doorframe and wait for Yuan to put his shoes on. Wait, and wait, and wait.

A sigh escapes me as I watch the brat fumble uselessly with his shoe laces. I quietly pat myself on the back because I'm only _slightly_ irritated. Good job, Yameru! Oh, sweety, how you've grown. Mwah! Kyah kyah, oh how I make myself giggle.

Soon though, slightly irritated grows into dramatic punch-the-wall annoyance and leaving him behind while shutting the door in his face seems ridiculously tempting. Alas, I'm a better actress than that.

So I bend down grudgingly and sloppily knot the strings together. It should end at there, but instead he holds my hand and gives me a smile that hooks at his ears and wrinkles his eyes. How that is achievable is a complete mystery to me. I'm sure it's a super, special, ultra rare technique that only Wutains could possibly achieve. Oh, the powers of being a chink.

"Thank you," he squeaks out.

Beloved puberty, I snivel quietly, when will thoust cometh? I look down slyly at my pathetically flat chest and cry mournfully. Damn it! When will you come? Oh, how I sob!

As my soul weeps piteously for my pre-pubescence, we soon catch up with Valin's half-hearted strides. The moment we do those invading fingers are suddenly gone. Yuan is now clinging to the eldest with that idiotic grin still stretching across his face and it makes him look like he has just taken a dump after five years of constipation.

I'm happy he finally stopped gripping me like a carnivorous amoeba but nevertheless…my palms are still sticky with sweat and jealousy has begun its cynical trudge into my heart as I watch them walk further and further away.

Soon enough, I stand alone on the dusty one way road.

x-x-x-x-x

Truthfully, I don't despise Yuan, only his existence—if that makes it any better.

He's a cute kid, really. He's quiet, smart, nice, and way more mature than any snot-nosed devil his age. Hell, he's probably more mature than I am, though that doesn't count for much.

If he wasn't the bastard son of a hormone-crazed father and a Wutain wench, I wouldn't mind him so much. If he wasn't the apple of my Valin's eye, I'd forgive him. If he wasn't so damn Wutain, so damn different, so damn innocent and pure, if he actually deserved those spitballs, and those bloody noses, and those name callings, I'd love him.

If only. If only. If only.

If only, he didn't scare me.

I heave, and blow my bangs messily out of my eyes, frustration and disappointment mingling together into a heap of teenage melodrama. Somebody, please remind me why we go to school. Why?

"What did ya' get?"

I pout, lips pushing out excessively and eyes squinting dramatically.

"Stop it." He slaps my arm. "You look like a diuretic cow."

"Shut up, I bet you don't even know what diuretic means." I grumble and slide the packet of papers across the table, the bold flaring red B- visible for the world to see.

Valin ignores my last comment and begins to limply flip through the packet filled with random, sophisticated-sounding words that I don't understand but sound smart. "Hey." He mutters halfheartedly. "That's pretty good."

I shrug and grab the packet back before stuffing it unceremoniously into my backpack. "For an all-nighter and three trips to the library, it's not."

My brother snorts and begins to draw what looks like mutilated moogles into the table with the metal tip of his pen. Ohoho, is this the emergence of an artistic genius I see? Oh my, Valin is definitely going to be the next Fogo Figasso (1). I applaud myself for my brilliant joke. God, Yameru, you never know how to turn off your funny button, do you? You silly goose, you.

"Mhm, Yameru," he drawls, knocking me out of my self-praising session. "Three trips to read comic books and an all-nighter spent watching pirated films online. Goodness, you are _so_ incredibly hardworking." He rolls his eyes exaggeratedly and if it isn't for my angelic kindness, I would have thrown a pen at him.

Instead I choose to preoccupy myself with scratching in my own wobbly legged, freakishly wide eyed chocobo into the abused desk. "Touché." I mutter, deeply concentrating on the wing. "Where's yours? Did you get it back yet?"

"Nah, didn't turn one in."

Crud, I'm messing up on the beak, and now it looks like it can murder a behemoth. Exasperated for more than one reason, I turn to Valin, who starts to write 'Kupo!' all over the table's surface. "You didn't turn one in? Idiot. Don't tell me this is a part of your whole," I wave my hands frantically in the air mockingly, "'I'm going to leave this place and never come back! I don't need School 'cuz it's stupid' plan. Cactuars above, you can be so stupid sometimes."

"Right back at you!" He finally looks up at me. "And yeah, damn straight it's a part of that plan. I'm going to get the heck out of this Shinra brainwashed hellhole and never turn back."

I sigh, and give him a disappointed frown. A bit irked, I hiss through gritted teeth, "Don't you think you're being selfish? What about us? You think you can just up and leave and that'll be the end of everything, like your life will be filled with sugar, flashy rainbows, and gay men prancing around in tight pink tutus?"

He stares at me. I stare back. He turns away.

"Yeah." He mutters. "I do."

I feel disappointment settle itself comfortably between jealousy and loneliness as I watch him stand up and walk away.

"Yo, teacher, I need to take a whizz."

"Huh? Hey, wait, Valin! I didn't say you cou—"

A door shuts painfully loud.

"Bastard." I mumble as I pick up my pen again and start drawing messy little stick figures in a box. A small box—a devastatingly small box.

At the top of the box, in messy chicken-scratch writing, I scribble:

"Welcome, to Banora Village."

x-x-x-x-x-x

Banora Village is a small, quaint town in the middle of the dusty boondocks, just miles off from the other country bumpkin settlement that is Mideel. Being in the middle of nowhere, business is bleak and the future, even bleaker. In this peaceful, rural place there's nowhere to go and nowhere to put dreams and hopes.

All we have are our apples. Literally.

The village is poor and the poverty rate would have hit rock bottom if we didn't have our dumbapples, they're our source of life. Dumbapples are only found in Banora. Those unique apples are the only reason why Shinra even bothers with us, which, at this point, and with the way Valin puts it, I'm not so sure is a good thing.

Living in the boondocks means no one wants to travel here, merchants and tourists alike. The only one willing is Shinra because they have the damn money to do so, and because of that filthy money, we, the civilians of Banora, fall right into their greasy hands. So really, Valin's right, Banora Village _is_ nothing but a cage of Shinra's brainwashed slaves who cling to every piece of their propaganda like shit to a baby's ass.

But I love it here. Actually, no, I don't love it here, I am _satisfied_ here.

I don't like change, it's a bitch to go through and a whole lot of trouble I deem unnecessary, and moreover, unwanted. So no matter how screwed up and desolate this town is, I would never think of leaving. It's too much change, and too much trouble. I'm not a big fan of trouble.

Thus, if Valin decides to march his ass out of this place, no matter how much I love him, I would never follow. I don't have Yuan's hope or Valin's will, I just am the way I am. I believe that just taking whatever the planet throws at me next is good enough. I'm a boring person, sue me.

That dullness is probably why I can't possibly understand Valin, his headstrong determination and his loathing for both Shinra and the people here. But I want to understand.

So, when he punches another girl in the face, I stand still and watch intently. I wonder that if by seeing this, seeing him turn all his hatred into blind, raging violence, I can finally understand.

That.

That and because I just plain love watching Valin beat the living shit out of another person. It's quite amusing. Now if only I had some chicken…

The kid Valin's currently hitting is a senior a couple years older than us and a couple levels bitchier. Which is seriously saying something. Her name is Ashley Vernold or something or other. She's one of the girls that someone can easily call a hoe. Slut. Whore. Or Hoelutore.

The fight started out something like this:

Chick: I'm a little tea pot

Valin: Shut up.

Chick: short and stout

Valin: Shut up.

Chick: here is my handle, here is my spou--

Valin: Falcon Paaawwwnch!

Please, please, no need to applaud, I know I'm an amazing storyteller—oh my! Please, don't bow, stop, you're embarrassing me you silly thing!

Okay. So…she _might_ have insulted Yuan and _might_ have called him a dirty, useless, piece of Wutain filth who needed to be put down like a mutt with rabies, but that's unimportant and I can't possibly care less if she said Yuan or Flying Chocobo Buttholes.

Which reminds me. When I was nine, my class went to a local chocobo farm as a field trip and it was incredibly awkward because there was this one molting chocobo hanging around. Nearly all of its feathers were gone and the poor lil' thing looked extremely naked. So naked we could see its not-so-cute-but-rather-disturbing butthole.

Valin and I threw rocks at it.

Valin and I got banned from the farm.

Ahem. Anyhow…

At first, Valin ignored Ashley what's her face, but _then_ she started to insult Yuan's mother. At that moment I knew she was in for it. Trust me; _no one _gets away with insulting Yuan's mom with Valin around, not even me. He told her to shut up, she said no. He punched her. She screamed.

And we're here.

By now, Valin has his calloused hands wrapped around the girl's neck, and is slamming her head against the concrete floor. I wince when some blood starts to messily paint the floor red. Valin's not actually the type to go easy on girls.

The chorus of "Fight! Fight! Fight!" is getting louder as students start to crowd around in a cultic circle. Part of me wants to join the fist pumping and blood howling but I keep my hands strictly in my pockets and continued to watch intently the range of Valin's hatred.

Besides, things are getting _good_. Oh my, I think I just pissed myself in excitement a little there.

He lets out a feral growl and gropes at the chick's pretty blond hair before proceeding to drag her across the dirty floor. Pushing other blood thirsty student out of my way, I follow behind, happily noting the thin trail of crimson smearing across the ground.

Valin's heading to the bathroom and I feel my strides get faster as excitement begins to bubble up sadistically in my chest. I have a feeling this is going to be more than just good—Valin's restroom-incorporating violence is always top notch, a Five Star Show guarantee.

He kicks open the restroom door with a resounding bang, stomps towards one of the open stalls and throws the girl's limp body in.

Ignoring the blatant 'Men's' sign, I skip in and lean against the wall, getting myself comfortable for the upcoming show. I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.

Ashley's black mascara is now dripping down her cheeks in bold streaks, her blue eye shadow is wiped across her forehead messily, and her cherry lip stick has mixed in with the crimson of her blood. It's a chaotic muddle of sticky pandemonium. I think she looks prettier this way.

The blonde stands shakily on thin legs and tries to make a run for it. Ohohoho, I muse, bad move. Valin hates a runner.

Before she can even take a step out of the stall, Valin grabs the back of her hair and slams Ashley's make up caked face against the grimy wall. Blood erupts and stains her lips a prettier shade of red than any lipstick could ever do.

"Where do you think you're going, _dog_." He rubs her face into the tile like he's wiping off dust with a napkin, and I can no longer suppress the grin pulling at my lips. "Are you ready for your bath, you little mutt?"

There was no reply. I chuckle softly. Mhm, she's in for it now.

"I said," he starts to scream, voice reaching a dangerous high, "are you ready, you little fucker? Are you fucking ready?"

The senior sniffles in response, shaking her head miserably. If only I had a camera to record this total picture perfect moment. Tch, what a waste.

Valin lets a mean smile curl at his lips. "Oh? Is that a yes?" And before I can even holler and cheer in excitement, he stuffs her face into the toilet. He tightens his grip on the back of her head and twists at the strands until his knuckles turned white. "Do you like it? Hm?" He kicks down the toilet lever and grinds Ashley fuckin' Vernold's face into the flushing toilet for seconds on end until finally bringing her water-stained face back up. Valin pulls her skull back to the point where it nearly touches her back and it looks like something is about to break in her frail neck. I silently pray something would. _Fun_.

Valin and I meet eyes and grin simultaneously as she gags, coughing desperately to get the water out of her lungs. "You like it, don't you? You little dirty dog!" Valin slams the chick's head back into the edge of the toilet repeatedly with no remorse.

I can't take it anymore.

I laugh.

I start laughing so hard that I'm gasping for breath as I watch the scene before me. My fingers cling to the dirty wall behind me for support—I'm getting dizzy from laughing so hard and my ribs are starting to ache and heave. Some blood starts to spurt out from the girl's face over the toilet and I cackle harder, nearly stumbling over in my almost violent, cacophonous squeals of delight. _Shiva,_ could something possibly be so funny?

There's a yelp and an ear-deafening scream as he brings her face up temporarily. I let out a high pitched "Ah!" mimicking her, and giggle at my own joke. _Too funny. _

But before Valin could stuff the senior's face hilariously into the toilet bowl another time, there's a flurry of chaotic movement as some teachers and staff members start rushing in without warning. They rip Valin's hands away from Ashley's head. All I can distinguish through my gray eyes, blurred by laughter, is the look of horror and fury on their ugly faces.

Damn, the fun's already over. Tch, I should have locked door.

Nevertheless, I relent and wipe some tears of amusement out of my eyes with a sigh. I straighten myself, finally coming down from my cracked-up euphoria. I wipe my hands off my pockets and observe as Valin is dragged out of the small bathroom like a criminal, hands behind his back and indignation written all over his snarling face.

Someone taps my shoulder and I glance up, it's my homeroom teacher. "Yameru, they want you to come too." He speaks slowly and articulately as if wouldn't understand if he says it any other way.

I shrug nonchalantly, still a bit disappointed that the show is over so soon and follow the crowd of adults out the now blood stained room. Oh well, I guess this means I can skip after lunch classes.

Mentally, I cheer.

x-x-x-x-x-x

A few years ago, there was a big stir in Banora Village when some supposedly big, bad, and important Shinra personnel arrived for some unknown reason. We, the villagers, soon figured out that they were here to recruit some kids into SOLDIER for the ensuing war with Wutai. They took only two kids, deeming the rest as unworthy.

Genesis Rhaposodos and Angeal Hewley .

I didn't know them well since they were a whopping fourteen years older than me and seemed like a pair of those scary, burly teenagers Valin had always rambled about.

Those two were completely inseparable and I found it odd. Angeal was supposed to be this quiet, obedient son of a regular villager and Genesis was rumored to be this cocky smartass since he was the son of the richest farmer in all of Banora. It was like a prince and his servant.

Everyone in the village knew the duo fondly but after three months of being gone in Midgar or tonberries knew where, they were forgotten. No one bothered to contact them or even tried to except their own parents.

But just four days ago, they were on T.V. Apparently, they are First Class SOLDIERS now. Whoop de doo da.

Well, I don't care much for such things like Shinra and SOLDIER, or actually, I don't care much for anything—except tonberries. I need my tonberries. On the other hand, Yuan and Valin are obsessed with SOLDIER in completely different ways.

If Yuan, that little squeaky mouse, ever has a flaw, it's this: For some reason, even though Shinra is out to get his kind—murdering Wutains left and right, innocent or not—Yuan loves SOLDIER. He actually _admires _them. He admires the organization that is killing millions of his own people so much that he squeals in delight whenever he hears that SOLDIER has once more beat down the Wutain military. The squinty eyed brat would sing, "Yameru, Yameru! Did you hear? SOLDIER took over Fort Blah Blah yesterday. Aren't they just so cool?"

I can't understand how he could think such things, much less say them, but eh, I sort of find it amusing. It's funny how this kid could so innocently rave on about how awesome a group of mass murderers are. Sometimes I wonder if the little monster is even more sadistic than I was—that would have been interesting.

Valin, though, thinks it's disgusting. For some reason, more so than Yuan the real Wutain, Valin abhors Shinra and anything dealing with them. Every time Yuan so as much mentions the word SOLDIER, Valin goes on a venting streak. My fellow twin would start ranting and screaming at the top of his lungs about how horribly evil they are and then storm off to go and cool down somewhere quiet.

That quiet place is usually Mrs. Hewley's place, an elderly lady who live a few houses down from ours. The three of us would usually go there to hang out and eat dinner whenever our mother's too busy to cook, or be home at all for that matter. Yuan would also come over to practically interrogate Granny Hewley about SOLDIER and ask about her son, while Valin would come over to avoid contact with Mom or society in general. And me. Me, I just come over to come over. Simple.

Ever since it was revealed that Angeal Hewley, Granny Hewley's son, became a First Class SOLDIER and a huge icon of the Wutai War on Shinra's side, only two of us came over to the house. Valin is being a scornful ass and refused to come over. He says that Mrs. Hewley is conspiring with the 'enemy'.

"Man." I mutter tiredly. "He really is an idiot."

"Did something happen today?"

I turn my head in my crossed arms to look at the elderly woman. "Yeah. He beat up another student today."

"What? Again?" Mrs. Hewley frowns and sits down next to me. Reaching out a wrinkly hand, she pushes the stray bangs away from my eyes.

"Yup." I mutter, feeling awkward at the sign of affection. "The girl got it pretty bad. He did the toilet thing today."

Her wrinkled face scrunches up at the thought of it. "Didn't he use that one three months ago?"

I laugh, feeling amused by her reaction. "Yeah he did, it was a dude last time though. Today was some hoebag named Ashley and Valin ended up breaking her nose and getting a two-week suspension; a new record, by the way. It was still pretty funny this time around."

Her gentle caress turns into a hard thwack. "Yameru! Hurting others is not funny, young lady. And where is that Valin? I need to give him a piece of my mind one of these days—someone really needs to show him some discipline."

"I don't think you want to see him." I say, rubbing my throbbing head. "He's still pretty pissed over the whole First Class crap."

Granny Hewley sighs. "Still? That kid…"

"I know." I snicker. "He's troublesome isn't he?"

She nods. "You got that right, sweetie." She gives me a kind smile before looking out the dark window and reads the clock. "It's getting late; shouldn't you be heading home now?"

I shrug apathetically. "Eh. I don't exactly think right now is the best time to be home. Mom and Valin are probably at each other's throats and Yuan's probably sobbing up some gigantic boogers in his room. Not exactly something I want to be a part of right now."

"Yameru." She sighs and rubs my shoulder affectionately. "Go home, your family needs you now."

I give her a curious, skeptical 'Oh really now? And I'm an ass-kicking, transforming toothfairy. How do ya do?' look. She stares back sternly. With a heavy sigh, I surrender and hesitantly push myself off one of the wooden chairs. "Okay, I'll go. But only because I miss my stuffed tonberry, got it? Not 'cuz you told me so."

Mrs. Hewley only chuckles and nods in response. "Of course, Yameru."

"Well, as long as you know…" I slowly drag my footsteps to the front door. "See you, granny!"

"Goodnight, Yameru."

x-x-x-x-x

By the time I get home, all the lights are off and no one is in sight although it's only around eleven something. I sigh; this could only mean that Mom and Valin's fight was huge—it probably was bigger than the fight between Crowdo and Bitchforoph in Not so Last Dream VII from CircleRough (2). Damn, that fight was hard.

I bless whatever God is out there that I hadn't been home to witness such a fight of massive proportions. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I promise to stop stealing money from the church's collection box. Yup, you heard me God, I'll stop just for you, babe.

Pushing God aside, I begin to contemplate where to go. Mom's probably in her office doing paperwork, meaning my interruption wouldn't be welcome. Not to mention she'd most likely bundle me up with Valin and yell at me for not stopping him. I grimace, _so_ not appealing. Next is Yuan. The Wutain brat has probably cried himself to sleep by this time, after all, even _he_ knows by now that his blood is half the reason why Valin fights. Comforting an eight-year old crybaby whose guts I already want to barbecue and feed to a Behemoth? Not so great.

I opt to go straight to Valin and mine's bedroom.

So I grudgingly trudge upstairs and head toward the furthest door down the hall. I end up crawling into bed next to Valin without bothering to wash my face or brush my teeth and still in the jeans and sweater I had worn when I left the house that morning.

Settling myself under the blankets, I stare at the black lump next to me. "Hey." I whisper.

"Hey." Valin whispers back and turns messily to face me. "Where have you been?"

I smirk under the darkness of night—so he's worried, huh? "At Hewley's," I sing tauntingly.

"What? Didn't I tell you to stop going there?" I can nearly hear the glare in his voice.

I shrug, even though I know he couldn't see me through the darkness. "Eh. Since when have I listened to you?"

"Huh," he states lamely. "Right."

"Mrs. Hewley." I yawn abruptly, mouth gaping open hideously. "Aaah! Hooh…Hewley. She said you should stop being a violent, bitchy mofo and get over your incredibly lame and cliché teenage self-inflicted angst."

He mumbles childishly. "What does she know?"

"Eh, you know, they say wisdom comes with age." I pause, thinking for a moment. "And she _is_ getting pretty old."

Valin makes this odd noise which creepily seems like a mix of a laugh and a queef. "Whatever. wisdom or not, it doesn't matter. Like I said before-," he flips over, his back now facing me, "-I'm leaving this hellhole, no matter what."

I stare at his back for a long time before I turn over myself, so now only our quiet backs speak to each other. "Right."

"Hey…"

"Hm?" I answer quietly back; sleep finally starting to tug violently down on my eyelids.

"Happy Birthday."

I flicker open my eyes and shift my head to look at the bright neon numbers on the clock across from the bed. 12:00 a.m.

A small smile creeps its way onto my lips. "You too, brother."

x-x-x-x-x-

Get it? Like Pablo Picasso? Hahaha—gawd. Someone needs to murder both me and my horrid sense of humor.

Crowdo-Cloud, Bitchforoph-Sephiroth, Not so last dream VII – FF7, Circlerough-Squaresoft…okay, cheeshus. Someone really needs to shoot me now.

Whooooot~ finally rewritten. Tell me your opinions, compliments, and critiques my good people! :D


	2. No Roads Left

**Summary: **"I didn't learn how to walk til age 5, didn't learn my ABC's til age 6, didn't learn how to wipe my own ass til age 7, didn't learn how to dream til age 14. I didn't know how to live, til I met you." He smirked, and I swore to rip him a new one. SephOC

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Oh, well except for my OC.

**Song: **Linkin Park – No Roads Left

**Ne Me Mori Facias**

**Chapter Two: No Roads Left**

The Wutai conflict with Shinra started to fester about ten years ago when the eastern nation had rejected Shinra's proposal to build a mako reactor there. The moment they said no, the rest of the world knew that hell was going to break loose. From the moment Shinra rose to power, no one had the balls to stand up against them. Yet, here was this tiny country on a secluded continent that did.

Shinra started playing their ridiculous dirty politics and although everyone acted like it was fair game, they knew the company was playing their tricks underground. For some_ strange_ reason, Wutai's water and food supply was abruptly cut off from the other continents and rumors began to spread that fiends were infesting Wutai and thus, must be eradicated. Shinra said they would eradicate those fiends. Those fiends, we discovered on the first week of war, were the Wutains themselves.

We knew they were human, just like us. We knew they bled red blood, just like us. We knew they were made of skin and bone, just like us. But we feared Shinra. We feared Shinra, because to us, they were the _real_ fiends.

So we watched on our tiny television sets as Shinra painted out the Wutains as devils, we sat there and took it all in. We believed it, because Shinra told us too. That's just the way it was.

My father though, was the only person to think differently. He had married my mother back in Midgar where he worked as a freelance journalist for small, nearly invisible newspapers. After their marriage, the two moved to Banora Village, my mother's hometown, to live in peace away from the corrupted city. My father did not hate Shinra, but he distrusted them. Perhaps it was the journalist instinct in him, but he always knew that Shinra were blood sucking, selfish leeches.

After living in Banora for two years, my brother and I were born—him first, and me, forty seven minutes and sixteen seconds later. My father was kind but not overly so to the point where I would want to stab him with the knife of my tonberry plushie. He rewarded us when we were good and hit us when we were bad. We were happy like this.

Apparently, he wasn't.

When the message that Shinra was starting to amass arms against Wutai reached the secluded village, my father was a mess of fidgets and eagerness. His journalist was coming out. My mother knew it, knew he wanted to leave and begin his research on the Shinra-Wutai conflict, but she ignored it. She pretended she didn't know, because she didn't want him to leave. None of us did.

At the same time though, we all knew it was inevitable and after a mere month of apprehension, my father left with nothing but a weak "Good luck." from my mother.

We waited and waited and waited until my five and a half year old self couldn't even remember his face anymore. He became an empty memory to me and I couldn't care less whether or not he had died. Unlike my brother and mom, I had moved on. I already learned to live without him.

But they continued to cling on desperately. So when my father finally came home after a year, they rejoiced—even though he brought another woman with him.

Her name was Meifeng and she was a common villager in Wutai. According to my father, she was the only one kind enough to shelter him during the period of distrust and tension in the foreign country. My mother just nodded when my father spewed all this out, she nodded and accepted. She nodded and pathetically hoped that companions were all they were.

We found out Meifeng was three months pregnant and the lie fell apart. My dad never actually said who the father of Meifeng's baby was, but on the inside, we all knew. I knew, and I didn't care. My mother knew, and she cried herself to sleep alone when my dad was by another woman's side. My brother knew, and he fell in love.

Every night, Valin ecstatically bounced his way into Meifeng's room, an empty bedroom that we originally used for games and toys. Sometimes he hauled me along and we sat there, by Meifeng's side and her bulging belly. There, we listened. We listened to her stories of Wutai, her stories of brave swordsman, heroic emperors, and sly ninjas. We listened to her Wutain legends and folklore and sometimes she even revealed small things about her everyday life in her Wutain village. We listened about her detest for the Shinra that destroyed her home, killed her family, and took away her sanctity.

I listened, and that would be the end of that. Valin listened, and he stowed it away deeply and dangerously into the pocket of his heart.

In the back of my conscious, I knew. I knew that Valin's love for Wutains and hatred for Shinra all started there, in the comfortable warmth of an empty bedroom. He loved her, that Meifeng, in a way I couldn't possibly comprehend nor did I want to.

So when Meifeng died during childbirth, Valin took it harsher than anyone else—even harder than my father who had dragged her here in the first place. My mother was happy, I knew she was. Even though she said it was a pity for someone to pass away so young, she was joyous that the woman who stole her husband away finally died.

That was the last time I saw her so happy.

A week after Meifeng was buried in the local cemetery, my father decided to up and leave again. Go figure. This time, he didn't bother to wait for my mother's okay and this time, he never came back. All that was left of him was the child his mistress had given birth to.

Yuan. Yuan, my half brother. Yuan, the source of my silent misery, the core of my Wutain complex. Yuan, who stole my brother's love away from me.

My mother didn't want to, but she couldn't stand to leave the half-Wutain child in the hands of an orphanage, especially since Shinra's public warfare against Wutai was still as strong as ever. He wouldn't have survived there; brat would have been murdered within a year. So she took him in, and she cared for him, not like a mother, but nevertheless, she made sure he lived.

My brother, Valin, was ecstatic. He doted on Yuan and would spoil the kid even when he broke his special edition version of his transforming Bahamut action figure and barfed all over his twenty gil comic books.

When I had a nightmare, he would call me a wuss, but when Yuan had a nightmare, he would shuffle his way to his bedroom and lay down next to him. When I was hungry, he would throw his dusty crumbs at me and laugh but when Yuan was hungry, he would dig out the money he's been saving up for a new bike and run to the convenience store to buy him a corn dog. When I cried, he would tell me to suck it up or he'd hit me but when Yuan cried, he would hug him tight and pat his head, whispering, "Everything's going to be okay."

Obviously enough, I was jealous. I was his twin sister and yet I felt like some random kid he just coincidentally met at the park—a stranger. It was unfair. It was stupid. It was painful.

But if you keep running five miles a day until your legs feel like they're about to fall off and your lungs about to burst, soon enough, you get used to the pain. After eight years of being placed behind Yuan, envy has faded into nothing but a light shade of green over my eyes.

I've come to accept that I'm not number one in Valin's heart and I'm realizing that heck, number two…maybe that's not so bad. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself.

So when I wake up the next morning, light shining bright and birds chirping annoyingly with Valin nowhere in sight, I accept. All that is left of his presence is the mess of blankets sloppily strewn about. I stare quietly at the bare spot and reach out a hand to caress where his body once lay.

It's cold and empty.

Fatigue still teasing at my boogie encrusted eyelids; I slip off the bed, nearly tripping on tangled sheets. Silently I walk out of the room, and shut the door, leaving the vacant bed behind me.

x-x-x-x-x-x

After my father' disappeared, my mother hardly ever comes home. She's a workaholic, working overtime and extra hours at any chance; after all, she's got three snot nosed kids to raise alone. It must be hard.

For the most part, she avoids contact with not only Yuan, but all three of us. I have a strong gut feeling it's because Valin and I remind her of father. I have father's straight black hair and gray eyes and Valin, he has mother's brown hair and hazel eyes but most of all, he has father's face—everything from the curve of his chin to the soft bump of his nose. Well, Yuan is a matter of common sense. He looks Wutain, is Wutain— a Meifeng in male form. Put us all together and it's like polymerizing three blue eyed white bastards together to get one Blue eyed white bitch and a knee to the face. That must bring absolute _joy _to her.

Thus, she's always gone in the morning before we wake up for school and still gone by the time we get home. She is like an invisible benefactor. Which, well, with her being Mom, I guess, kinda sucks. But I'm Miss Whatever extraordinaire and after long years of coming home to locked doors and switched off lights, it's become normal to not see her at all. And since every time she and Valin venture within a ten yard radius of each other someone breaks a fuse, I guess it's better off this way—not seeing each other.

So one can only imagine my astonishment when I come downstairs to find pancakes on the dining table and my mother sitting at the far end, head in her hands. I pause in mid step and take a skeptical glance at the scene before me, awkwardness starting to creep up uncomfortably. "Wow," I mutter. "What _am_ I smoking?"

Her head rises, and she offers me an equally awkward smile. Her eyes are shiny and her usually pale cheeks are flushed. She's been crying…but why? I glance at the empty dining table, four plates out, one person sitting, and two people missing—ah. That explains it. "Yameru." She gestures to the seat next to her. "Come! Sit and have breakfast with mommy."

Gag. Okay, mommy? Now things are getting seriously weird and I'm thinking I might just do what Yuan and Valin did and high tail my ass out of here if she gets any more out of character. Shuddering, I choose to sit a couple seats down, too uneasy to sit right next to her. "What's this?" I ask bluntly.

"What do you mean," She says, tucking one stray strand of hair behind her ear. "This is breakfast."

I raise an incredulous eyebrow. "Right." I stab a pancake. "And I'm a moogle raping dinosaur who likes to eat my toenails in whip cream. Nyom Nyom." I expect her to reprimand me and start raving about how I shouldn't speak rudely to an adult, much less my mother, but instead she laughs.

"Yeah." She glimpses at the empty chairs around the table. "I guess I haven't really been acting like a real mom, have I?"

"Yes. Yes, you haven't." I say frankly between bites of syrup covered pancakes. "This is pretty damn good though."

She takes a sip from her mug of freakishly pitch black coffee. "Thank you. So, um..." I look up at her expectantly with a mouthful of sugary goodness. "Is there anything you want to do today? For yours and Valin's birthday, that is."

I spit.

Pancakes fly out of my mouth in disgusting chunks of saliva covered, half-chewed dough and on to the table. I wipe hastily at my mouth and chug down some apple juice a bit too quickly. _Damn!_ God must be on some seriously heavy crack today or he really, really, _really,_ wants me to stop stealing from the church collection basket.

I mean, come on. I'm serious when I say that my mother hasn't wished me a happy birthday on my _actual_ birthday since I was screaming on the toilet for her to wipe the crap off my ass seven or something years ago. No wonder Yuan and Valin ran for their lives this morning, this is starting to get creepily unbelievable.

"Nothing, thanks." I choke out painfully.

"Oh." She sounds a bit disappointed. "I see."

"By the way," I pause for another bite of pancake, and point my fork at the empty seats, "Where'd those two run off to?"

I take a casual glance at her and notice she looks older than usual. How old is she now? Forty, maybe? I frown, she looks anxious and is beginning to wring her hands nervously—something is definitely up. "Well." She trails off. "Valin's sort of out looking for Yuan."

"Really, now?" I swallow the large chunks of pancakes in my mouth before continuing. "Why's he looking for lil' ol' Yuan?"

Guilt. It's written all over her face and yet, I can see the trace of a faint smile curling up at the corner of her lips. "Because he's gone. Yuan's finally gone."

The word echoes in my head like a mantra.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

Yuan is _gone._

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Valin got into his first fight four years ago when we three siblings had gone to the playground to commemorate Yuan's first day of elementary. Apparently, it wasn't something worth celebrating. That day was when the rest of the village found out that Yuan was Wutain.

Boy. It was _not_ a pretty sight.

We had stepped onto the wood-chipped, muddy play area with Yuan between us and not a care in the world. The usually cacophonous shouts of pre-pubescent kids had hushed. It was like in one of the movies where this ultra, awesome, impossibly cool, purple-haired, pink-eyed spy-ninja-pirate-angel-demon-wolf-thing-goddess named Mary Sue stepped into a one hundred square mile ballroom but instantly everyone paused to look at her because she was just _so_ fantastically gorgeous.

But we three siblings weren't spy-ninja-pirates or fantastically gorgeous, so to have everyone staring at us like fresh porno in a room of wanky thirteen year old boys was extremely awkward. The stare-fest only stopped when this one gutsy brat, maybe a year or so younger than us twins, told us he didn't want Yuan playing here. He didn't want a Wutain playing here. The dude had a huge booger hanging out his nose and his chubby hands gripped his pudgy hips. He was _fierce, _rawr!

Valin, being the vulgar ten-year old smart aleck he was, simply said, "I don't care. Loser." Ooh, feisty.

By then some of the kids had started to jeer which reminded me of the squeaky chihuahuas I saw on the Discovery Channel a couple nights before who liked to sniff each other's butts. Again, fierce! I remember I stood off to the side, snickering with one arm lazily wrapped across Yuan's tiny shoulders, thinking to myself, L. O. L. in bold, terrifically gay colors.

The ballsy kid had started to speak again and urged us to leave and play somewhere else. I found it funny at the time, and actually, I still do. It was hilarious, really. The brat seriously didn't know who he was trying to bully and as I predicted, the moment he opened his cavity infested mouth one more time, Valin landed him a punch on the jaw.

Eh. The kid was missing some teeth, anyway.

After two weeks of being grounded and an astonishingly hard spank-o-rama from mother, Valin was let loose from the house to play. Problem was there was nowhere to play. After all, we most definitely weren't welcome at the playground anymore after Valin's burst of man-P.M.S.

We three Immanis siblings ended up wandering for five days aimlessly after school looking for some place to peacefully have fun in the tiny village. After those five days, we found one.

And after four years, that's where I find Valin. Past the large wooden mansion, past the endless orchard of mourning Banora trees, past the rusty broken fences, at the mouth of the gaping cavern, I find him curled up and shaking.

He's crying. The fourteen-year old boy, who acts like he understands the world better than anyone else, and to anyone else, is nothing but a violent, heartless bastard, is crying.

"Valin." I whisper. His head snaps up awkwardly from beneath his tangle of arms. His hazel eyes are spilling out salty tears and scream desperation and fear. I sigh and think mockingly to myself. Wow, God must seriously be hung over; Mom home and Valin crying? Huh, I smile crookedly; the world must be coming to an end. But then again, he's just a fourteen year old boy and we're all just human. Right? I suddenly feel old—too old.

I bend down close to him. Standing above Valin makes him seem disturbingly small and that feels wrong. I speak again, fumbling with my words, with an awkward hand patting his head. "Valin. Where is Yuan? "

"He's inside," Valin whimpers.

Whimpers.

Fucking _whimpers._

For some reason, my soft-hearted pity for him is starting to treacherously mutate itself into anger. Valin is whimpering like some gutless, stupid, fucking _faggot_ and it's starting to piss me off. All of a sudden the hand I place on his head as a comforting gesture is steadily patting harder and harder than it should be until the point where I end up shoving him entirely. I watch, irritated, as he slumps across the rugged cave wall without any resistance like a damned rag doll.

My left hand drops heavily to my lap and my other fists into the dusty rock strewn pathway. I stand shakily on numb legs. From his curled up position, at just 5'3", I suddenly tower above him. It feels wrong but for some reason, I no longer care.

Maybe it's because of the heat of the noon sun, or because of the suffocating density of the humid air, or because of the itchy dirt curling under my bitten nails, or because of the impenetrably black mouth jeering at me, but I—_fuck_ it all! I couldn't think straight.

Trembling, I toss one of the pebbles in my hand and it lands harmlessly on Valin's slouching shoulder and rolls its way down to his fingers. "Get up," I wheeze out—the heat is getting worse and so is my temper.

He doesn't move.

I throw another stone from my sweaty palm, and this time it bounces off his forehead, leaving a thin line of red in its wake. "I said, _get up._" I am beginning to lose patience, beginning to lose control.

The sweat is starting to trickle into my eyes and cling to my eyelashes—I can't see. Somewhere, hidden in the endless maze of the weeping woods behind me, cicadas are shrilling and crows are cackling—I can't hear. My hair is sticking tight to my scalp, oily and greasy from two days without a shower, they cling heavy and stiff—I can't _think_.

"Hey," I manage to hiss out. "Can't you hear me?" Another rock, harder. "Yah! I said get the fuck up, you little pussy. I said get up!" Another one, harder. "Fuck you! I said get up bitch, get up!"

He's ignoring me and damn it. Damn. Damn. Damn. I groan. This heat. This screaming. This sweat. This itchiness. This—this—this—this—That! That stupid fucking black _hole. _I need to get out of this place. I need to go out, out somewhere. Anywhere. Just out. Needed to I—

I scream. I can't take it anymore. All the rocks leave my sticky, clammy palm in a rush of momentum. It hit him. He's bleeding. I like it.

"You little fucker! Who the hell do you think you are?" Am I angry?

"How could you—I. No—I. Ugh. How could you!" What do I want to say?

"How the fuck could you just let him go? You coward! How could you just let Yua—"

Suddenly I am tasting dirt, head bashing across something hard. Tiny lights are dancing beneath my eyelids, I know my eyes aren't open but all I can comprehend is red. Red. Red. Red. Re—_blood._

Violently, I rip my eyes open, forcing them to see. Valin is above me, face dripping small streams of thick crimson and sweat, eyes burning, with lips pulling back in a fearsome snarl. _Yes._ This is the Valin I know, the Valin I love. I grin.

"Va—" All I comprehend is his coiled fist before pain breaks through my senses. Fuck! My jaw, shit!

I growl and push back at him, kneeing him in the gut, not caring about anything anymore. Soon we'r nothing but an incomprehensible mass of flailing limbs and blood rolling across the rugged ground. A knuckle hits a nose, a foot kicks a finger, and an elbow jabs a cheek. Something is hurting, something is bleeding, and something is broken. I don't know whose, I don't know what. All I can comprehend is that there is pain, beautiful pain, pain that reminds me that Yes! Yes, Yameru, you are fucking _alive_!

After endless minutes, we lay panting—covered in our own blood, sweat, and spit, not sure what is whose. Nor do we care. I'm gasping desperately, chest heaving pathetically in search for the oxygen that seems to elude my senses. The air is filled with nothing but the sound of that heavy breathing and the bitter odor of blood oozing out of our broken skin.

"Yameru," he whispers eventually.

Through a busted lip, all I can manage is a groan. "Hm?"

"I'm going."

He says it so with so much strength and resolution, I feel guilty. _Dirty_. "Oh."

There is a rustle and the sharp scrunching of rubber against stone as he climbs, shaky, to his feet. I twist my head to watch his fading back, whiplash stabbing excruciatingly painful at my neck and chest.

"I guess." He doesn't even falter for a second. "I'll see you later."

What about me? Aren't I your sister too? Don't you fucking care about me anymore? Aren't I just important as he is? I want to scream at him, want to stand up and yell at him not to go, tell him not to leave me. I want to tell him that I am hurting too, after eight years of neglect, eight years of longing, after eight years of silent suffering; I am hurting—hurting so badly I don't know what to do anymore. I want to tell him that I am nothing but a mass of masked content and despair so he'd turn around. He'd turn around on his wobbly feet and come hug my battered body and pet my head like he used to, love me like he used to. He'd whisper to me, "Everything's going to be okay."

But I'm a coward.

So as he continues to limp his way into the intimidating darkness of the taunting cavern, I say nothing. I just lay there, like a damned rag doll.

For some reason, the tears don't come.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The Rhapsodos' were the richest family in all of Banora Village. Which didn't actually say much, but eh. They were our landowners and us, their farmers. Rather than the head honcho of the Rhapsodos' themselves, what was interesting was their son, Genesis. The snooty red-haired brat who was always with Granny Hewley's son was an overachiever and annoyingly so.

Hell, when he was thirteen, I heard he won a contest for his invention of Banora apple juice. It may not seem like much, but that juice has kept us alive for the past fifteen years. All hail Genesis!

Soon enough, Genesis decided this small village wasn't big enough _or_ good enough and ended up trotting his way out of here with Angeal and Shinra. Go figure, Mr. Overachiever.

After those two had left for SOLDIER, all Shinra personnel stopped showing up. At first people started freaking out, thinking they had abandoned us for good. But the money kept flowing in and the business kept going so eventually, everyone forgot and stopped caring. In fact, we believed it was better off this way, without Shinra sticking their noses down every little thing we did.

When Shinra abandoned us, they also abandoned the old mako mine. The mine was this endless cavern found behind the Rhapsodos compound and it was rumored to have the lifestream flowing there.

Though it seemed ludicrous, part of it made sense. Why was Banora the only place on the Planet that had the Banora White apples? People said it was because the lifestream ran close here. Why did big ol' Shinra even bother with us tiny villagers? People said it was because the lifestream ran close here. Why did Shinra decide to excavate that mine for mako? People said it was because the lifestream ran close here.

But after eight years of no-shows from Shinra, everyone gave up on the lifestream extravaganza. They left the rumored mine alone and after eight years of inactivity, there was bound to be fiends lurking there. We were witnesses to that, Yuan, Valin, and I.

When we first found the abandoned mine four years ago, it was thriving with monsters we only heard of in books. In fact, when we finally built up the guts to walk in through the gaping mouth, first thing we saw, from across the cave, was a Marlboro. A _fucking_ _Marlboro_. A fucking Marlboro who was bigger than our house and uglier than any piece of diarrhea I'd seen in my life.

Needless to say, we ran from the cave, peeing in fear all the way. We never went back in since then.

Until now.

The cavern is eerily empty and void of any monsters, but for some reason, I still don't feel safe. I groan and limp forward, hand clinging clumsily to the rough walls. I walk for endless hours and endless minutes and there's _still_ no sign of life whatsoever. I don't know where I am and I don't know how long it's been since I finally built up the courage to follow my siblings and traverse into the cave, but I'm feeling pissed. Pissed, like someone suddenly pops up and kicks the ice cream you spent the whole day working for, pissed. Or pissed, like the dead character I have been crying over for the past three months but I finally leave behind is resurrected, pissed. Or pissed, like I buy something for thirty gil but its actually a piece of--

"Shit!" I yelp as my feet trip over a jagged corner and I go face-planting the rocky ground_. Dammit._ I roll on the stone ground, a mess of pained nerves and I swear, I think my face is bleeding. Stilling myself, I reach up to touch my nose. It's wet. Ugh! My arm wipes roughly at my face, smearing the blood thinly instead of erasing it, before flopping flaccidly down to the ground. I lay there on the ground for a good few minutes, much too worn out to drag myself to my feet. My body feels like lead. Or a dead chocobo.

Fuck! What am I even doing here? Who the hell do I think I am, going in to a fuckin' _cave_ by myself? A cave! A flippin' cave! Who does that? Who goes into a gawd damn _cave_ that's been uninhabited for _years _by themselves? Idiots, that's who. I give myself a good mental beating before finding the will to stand up. With a grunt, I yank myself to my feet and—_what the fuck?_

Okay, I do _not_ remember seeing this. I stumble to my feet and stare, utterly flabbergasted. Now I'm certain I'm on drugs. In front of me is this long, wide river. It shines an eerie, disturbing green and I repress a comment about how bad pollution is getting. But besides that, beyond the river, on the other side, is this huge white marble statue of a woman holding the biggest, shiniest gem I have ever seen. Wowzers. I'd whistle, but unfortunately my lip is swollen. So instead I just drool at the sight.

I take a glance around, the green river seems to go forever and the statue is—Yuan?

Yuan, the Wutain brat, is standing on the other side of the river bank, at the feet of the huge statue. What the hell is he doing? I hobble forward, pain shooting up my spine. Weakly, I mutter. "Yuan?" He doesn't answer. "Yuan," I try a little louder, "What are you doing here?"

He just shakes his head and closes his eyes. _What_? I don't understand. I limp even closer, now directly in front of the calm, wispy river. "Yuan!" I shout this time, and my lips sting like a bitch. "Where's Valin?"

The boy's face seems to reflect the same green as the unknown river; he looks sick and a little blank. He still doesn't open his mouth to speak but ever so slowly, I see his hand rise. His fingers fold and then I realize, he's pointing at the river. I follow his direction and I stare into the flowing mass of green. _Green_, that's all I can make out in the swirling mass. I stare and stare and stare. Gradually I discover a tuft of brown hair. _Valin._

Shit! I start to panic and swing my ragged body around, looking for a stick, rope, anything! Nothing, there's fucking nothing. My fingers begin to dance across my arms in a clutter of nerves and fidgets and I stand on the edge of the river bank, feet shuffling. What do I do? What the fuck do I do?

Fuck, he's going to drown! But I-but I can hardly even walk and I'm supposed to dive in, swim, and drag him out? Impossible! I can't do that I-I, I'll die. I don't want to die, don't want to die. Don't want to—it feels like a gentle push. The green river gets closer and then I realize it.

I'm falling.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Yay! The brawl scene was awkward to write, but hopefully it came out A-okay!

Thanks for reading and remember to review ;D


	3. Change

**Summary: **"I didn't learn how to walk til age 5, didn't learn my ABC's til age 6, didn't learn how to wipe my own ass til age 7, didn't learn how to dream til age 14. I didn't know how to live, til I met you." He smirked, and I swore to rip him a new one. SephOC

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Oh, well except for my OC.

**Song of the Chapter**: Monkey Majik - Change

**Ne Me Mori Facias**

Chapter Three: Change

About forty years ago, Shinra Electric Company discovered Mako, the liquid form of the Lifestream. Of course, their shameless milking began. They realized that Mako could be used for energy we needed for everyday life: lighting, machinery, communication, etc.

They built there first Mako reactor somewhere in Nibelheim, another country bumpkin village somewhere north of here. Since then, they've built innumerous ones around the world. There's one near Corel, one near Gongaga, and several planted right in Midgar. These mako plants are used to absorb mako energy so we can enjoy our peaceful, wonderful lives and live happily ever after.

Surprise, surprise! This is what I learned in a Shinra-run town, so much for an unbiased education.

But education or no, I already knew that Shinra's mako engulfing ways was bad news for the planet. When Shinra first planted its poisonous claws into Banora Village, they constructed the Mako mine with the permission of the Rhapsodos family. They would have built a whopping reactor but since we're already cramped with Mideel on this ridiculously tiny island, a reactor was out of the question.

When the mine was finished and the mako collection began, we finally understood that we had made a huge mistake. The apples began to rot and the trees began to wither. Whatever Shinra was doing, it was murdering the land.

Production from there on only worsened and it once hit a point where even the apples became inedible. Salvation only came once Shinra left with Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos and never turned their eyes back to us.

Since then, the only ones who have been in that mine, is us.

It's the middle of December and two weeks have passed since the abandoned mako mine incident. Yet, the sun is shining mercilessly and the heat is only getting worse, furthering my belief that the Planet couldn't give a smaller shit about what happens to its inhabitants.

To be honest, after what happened in the mine, I expected some dramatic rainy weather, gray clouds and thunderous storms. Something to emphasize the turmoil going on, and yet, all I get are sweaty nights and sunburn—whoopee! But then I remember. What turmoil?

Turmoil happens when emotions stir chaotically and mass panic breaks out. There's been none of that. I guess we really are just tiny little existences in a world of billions.

December 14 feels like it never happened. The last thing I remember of that day was falling into the creepy green river and waking up moments later with Yuan no where in sight and Valin unconscious to my side. For some reason, our clothes weren't wet. Somehow I managed to drag the two of us out after what seemed like hours of mindless wandering. A couple of maids from the Rhapsodos compound found us in the middle of the orchard and hauled us back into the village to the doctor's.

I was surprisingly okay. The cuts and bruises I attained in my little brawl with Valin had somehow disappeared. Valin, though, was fucked up. His injuries as well, had miraculously healed but there was something else wrong with him. He didn't talk, didn't eat, he didn't do anything—couldn't do anything. All he would do was sit in his wheelchair and groan incoherent mumblings.

They called it mako poisoning.

The doctor told us that Valin was no longer alive, he just existed. I didn't really understand. What is the difference between living and existing? It was something new to me, something I couldn't quite wrap my finger around in comprehension, but apparently, my mother knew. I was always the one following Valin diligently around and she was always the one yelling and arguing with him and yet. Yet she was the one who sobbed until her eyes bled tears and her nose turned red. But me, I didn't cry.

"Why," I ask myself and prop my chin curiously onto my palm. "Why can't I cry?"

I watch as Valin's head droops and lolls awkwardly on his neck. "Hey, Valin. Why am I not crying for you?" His head only sways sloppily in response. I sigh, and wipe some of the saliva dripping down his chin with my sleeve. "Of course you can't answer."

Groaning, I slouch in the stiff armchair and choose to stare out the window. "Hey, look!" I point at one of the teenagers passing by. "Remember her? Didn't she ask you out last year? Shiva, the look on her face when you rejected her was _so _priceless!"

I laugh as I remember the look of outrage she gave us when Valin rejected her. We had played a prank on her, pretending that we were actually scandalous, incestuous siblings who liked to get it on in the janitor's closet. She had immediately ran to the principal's office and tattled her mouth off and we were called in along with Mom. Tonberries! That was one _incredibly_ awkward talk.

"Remember Mom's face when she heard? Man, if only I had a camera!" I let out another hearty chuckle and glance back at him. He's still drooling. "Huh. I guess you don't remember." Another sigh escapes me.

My foot finds its way to the wheel of his chair and begins to push and pull in random intervals. Sadistically, I find pleasure in the way his lifeless body teeter totters without resistance, if I push hard enough, he'll probably go tumbling to the floor. But I don't and eventually I stop, already uninterested in rocking him to and fro. Another groan escapes my lips and I writhe uncomfortably in the large armchair, there's an odd tingle in my body I can't get rid of, it's infuriating.

Huffing, I blow my outgrown bangs out of my eyes and take a good, long look at Valin. His usually bright hazel eyes are lifeless and half-lidded; his usually smirking lips are drooping in an incomprehensible frown. His arms hang heavily on his shoulders which only droop even further. His back slouches, keening his head forward and makes his hair scratch his eyes.

Who is this person? A frown creeps onto my own lips and I crease my eyebrows in deep concentration. I don't know this person, do I? "This," I reach out a hand to touch his pale, cold cheek, "Is not Valin?"

Valin is supposed to be full of vigor and force. He's suppose to be angry, hateful, but nevertheless, full of life and determination. No matter how foul his circumstances are, he'll strive on and keep running until he finds his dream and accomplishes it. That's Valin. I know that.

"But then," I whisper, irritation starting find its way into my voice, "Who are you?"

Silence.

Flippin' buttholes! This is so stupid, why I am I even bothering with him? I scream and whine, beginning to stomp the floor childishly. "Ah! Shiva, someone entertain me, _please!_ Valin, entertain me!"

Silence.

"Ah, fuck it all!" I growl, frustration already at its best. Jumping to my bare feet, I turn away from the window and walk upstairs. I can't take this anymore; I can't stand talking to a dead person.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

_December 9, _

_I heard some kids at school talk about the lifestream today. It sounds really cool. It's suppose to be like the blood of the Planet or something. They say you can find it in the cave me and brother and sister go to. The kids said that if you get a bottle of it and drink it, you can make all your wishes come true and you'll become super strong! Hehe, maybe if I get some I can become like you, Sephy!_

_December 10,_

_It's Valin and Yameru's birthday in four days! But I don't know what to give them…I want to give them something that's super meaningful. Something that'll make them really smile. Hm, Sephy, do you know anything? Well, I want to give them something like you. You're always here for me and always listen. Remember when I fist got you last year on my birthday? Yameru gave me you and I remember I cried badly. Your first page is all wrinkled from my boogers. Haha. I said boogers. I want to give them something as good as you. But what? Oh nooo I only have four days, what am I going to do? Ahhh!_

_December 11, _

_Sephy, only three days left! Nooooo! I have no idea what to do. What if I don't get them anything? No, I can't let that happen. Hmmm…wait a second. Let me check my piggy bank. NO!!! Sephy, I only have twenty gil. What am I going with twenty gil for TWO people? Why did I have to spend my allowance on candy? Why? Noooo...Dang, Valin is yelling at me to go sleep. Maybe I will dream of something tonight! _

_December 12, _

_Heeeey! Guess who I saw on T.V today. Teehee, you guessed it, I saw you, Sephy! You're looking awesome as always. How old are you now? Twenty-eight? Wow~ But you still look super young, __. Hm, Yameru is going to turn fourteen in two days. Maybe you should date her, hahaha! Neeh. Between you and me, I think you're too good for her. Haha, don't tell her I said that, she'll kill me! Hm, maybe I should get her a poster of you. Hehe. I heard girls her age like that kind of stuff. But Valin might get mad. He doesn't like SOLDIER very much __._

_December 13, _

_Sephy, Valin got into a fight again. They won't let him go to school for two weeks. Two WHOLE weeks. That's crazy. __ Aah! I am not stupid. I know Valin fights because they make fun of me. It hurts sometimes, but I wish he wouldn't do that. Hurting others is bad right? But I guess I can't say that since I like SOLDIER, huh. I know you kill people, Sephy. But, you do it because you have to right? Oh. I guess I don't get it. I want to be a SOLDIER too, Sephy. I want to be strong. I want to protect my brother and sister. I don't want to see them hurt. Tomorrow is their birthday. But I still don't have present for them. It must be special! _

_December 14, _

_I know what I'm going to get them for their birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY VALIN AND YAMERU!!!!_

I had given this journal to Yuan for his last birthday sometime earlier this year. It was just something I had scavenged last minute at a local thrift store and yet he cherished it so much. Why? It was just an old, red faux-leather bound journal but he adored it. Hell, he even gave it a name, Sephy. And from the day I first gave it to him, wrapped messily in old homework papers, he wrote in it every single day without fail.

When I had woken up in the cavern, there was only Valin and myself—Yuan was nowhere to be seen. After we hard reached safety in Banora Village, I told mother about Yuan's disappearance, but she said nothing. I thought she didn't want to find him. So, I took the initiative myself and searched the woods and the surrounding area around the village but found nothing—found no one. It was like he had disappeared from the face of the Planet.

He really was gone.

I flip through the last handful of empty pages, and I realize the entries end at December 14. For some reason, I'm starting to feel a bit sad. A bit guilty. Hell, now that I think about it, I don't even remember what month his birthday is in but he knew mine—ours, so clearly.

My fingers flip through the blank pages another time before I finally toss it back onto the clean desk with a relenting groan. I stumble backwards and fall heavily onto the small bed behind me, feeling blank. Ugh! My head suddenly aches and there's this odd tingle of anxiety running through my body. It's making me crazy.

So I run. I shove myself off the soft blankets and run out the room and down stairs, going crazy. Run. Run. Run. I jump and twirl and spin around the house, screaming at the top of my lungs. Aaaaaaaaaaah! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~

I manage to knock over a plastic lamp and bruise my knee against a drawer before finally collapsing in a messy heap onto the living room floor. Sweat is already starting to form at my armpits and tickle my neck as my chest heaves excitedly. I'm out of breath. I'm tired. And yet, that tingle is still there.

Idly I begin to draw tonberries in my head, but that only lasts forty five seconds. Sigh.

"Well, shake it up, baby, now! Twist and shooooout. C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon baby noooow! Come on and work it on out." My singing is horrible and I can't tell if I'm too sharp or too flat but I'm positive I'm too nasally. I only remember the chorus and that lasts a minute. Another sigh.

I twirl my finger in the pool of spit gathering at the curve of my tongue and pinch. My long, slender digits gently caress the silky smooth texture of the extravagant muscle and—_Oh my Shiva!_ Poetry now? Seriously Yameru? You need to get a life.

Turning my head awkwardly, I read the clock above the T.V. 1: 07. Running, drawing, singing, and being weird, all that and only three minutes pass. Ugh. I let out a drawn out moan and kick the coffee table a few feet away from me in exasperation. _Gawd, _I am so incredibly bored. Someone needs to murder boredom, the bitch.

"Yameru," I whisper, "You're fourteen years and two weeks old. Now, what the heck are you doing with your life?"

To be honest, I don't know. Just two weeks ago I would have said, "Nothing." But nothing doesn't seem so great; I'm not satisfied with nothing anymore.

I glimpse at Valin's motionless body near the window and remember Yuan's red journal. Valin wanted to leave this place and start his own future, Yuan once wanted to join SOLDIER and become strong. What did I want? What are my dreams?

I fiddle with the loose hem of my t-shirt; the tingle is still here, teasing me endlessly. What have I been doing with my life? Fourteen years of breathing and what have I done? Everything, all of a sudden, feels like a waste.

On my back, facing up, the ceiling unexpectedly seems impossibly high, impossibly wide, and too brown. Brown. I hesitantly turn to my side, long, untidy black hair tangling in itself. There, I stare at Valin's droopy figure and his brown, brown hair.

Valin. Willingly, I've followed him my entire life. If he wanted to go to the park I said okay, if he wanted to ditch school, I joined, if he wanted to hit someone, I cheered. But he's gone and now, I'm left leaderless. What to do? What to do? I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, running madly around with nothing in sight.

A follower can only be as good as his leader, right? So—I continue to stare at Valin—my leader is holding me down. Valin. Valin. Valin.

"_Mrs. Immanis, I'm sorry. Your son has been diagnosed with mako poisoning, we're sorry."_

Can he still see? Still hear? Still feel? Still dream?

"_Mako poisoning attacks the brain and mutates the consciousness. He is no longer the boy you once knew. I'm sorry."_

Can I? Can I see, hear, feel, dream? Can I?

"_He's no longer living with us. He's only existing."_

Valin is pulling me down and now, now I want to live. What is living? I want to know. I want a revolution; I want to topple the hierarchy that is my dull, aimless life. I want so much, _too _much.

But how? How can I get what I want? What would be good enough? I roll on to my stomach, and muffle my frustrated grumblings in the palm of my hands.

What. How. Living. Existing. Valin. Yuan. Wutai. Shinra. SOLDIER.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, like a speeding train, like a flaming meteor from the sky.

SOLDIER.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"_Excuse me?" _ Mrs. Hewley is looking at me like I have another head. I grab my neck to make sure—_whew._ I'm still safe, but most definitely not sane.

"I said," I speak slowly and articulately, amusement tickling its way into my voice, "I want to join SOLDIER."

She's gaping, jaw dropping so far down I'm slightly afraid that her dentures are going to pop out and eat me. "You okay there, Granny?"

She's still gaping. "Okay, um. It's getting kinda creepy now."

She's still gaping. "Alright. Stop it okay, not funny! I'm leaving, dammit!"

She finally stops, but her eyes are still freakishly wide on her face and I swear, I think I see her wrinkles twitching, like they're talking to each other. Ew. "Well I—you. SOL—ah. Um. _What_?"

I shake my head at her, and pet her gray head a little comforting, a little teasing. "I want to join SOLDIER, Mrs. Hewley, I want to go to Midgar. I want to leave this place and _do_ something."

Tentatively she nods her head in understanding, but not in acceptance. "I can see that, Yameru. But SOLDIER, really? You have no idea what they do to you there."

"I know that, but nevertheless, I want to try, you know? Please help me." I muster up the best puppy dog eyes I can muster, which isn't that great.

Mrs. Hewley's frowning and she grabs my shoulders firmly in her cold hands. "I understand you want to leave this boring old village, Yameru. But there are other things than SOLDIER out there."

"This," I remember Yuan, I remember Valin, "is special."

Her hands drop, and she looks ten years older in an instant. She takes one long hard look at me and then I see it, the look of "You nutty teenager, how am I going to deal with your crazy spontaneity" and I know, she relents. "Okay," she sighs and fiddles with her cup of tea, "How do you want me to help?"

A grin breaks out across my face and I can't help but glomp her. "Oh, Granny, you're too cute!" I laugh when she begins to pout animatedly and bats her eyelashes. "Alright." I finally sit down in my chair and begin to lay out my game plan—or lack thereof. "So, you have a son in SOLDIER, right?"

She nods suspiciously, and I have a feeling she knows what I'm up to. "Yes, Angeal, why?"

"So." I widen my eyes, and push my lips out, trying to look innocent—and fail to do so. I poke at her playfully, and giggle obnoxiously, acting the role of the annoying, adorable brat. We all know that's absolutely _irresistible_. "You think you can, you know…tell him to put in a good word for me?" I end it with a tight smile and a twiddle of my fingers.

Granny Hewley rolls her head in laughter, and flicks me on the forehead playfully. I laugh back. "That's all you want? Why don't you just talk to him yourself?"

"Eh?"

She grabs a napkin from across the table, and magically picks out a pen from her breast pocket. Ew. Old people and breasts. Not a great mental image.

Shuddering and mentally punching myself in the nose, I watch her write jumbled letters across the napkin in curiosity. She soon finishes and waves it in my face. "Here."

I frown and raise an eyebrow. "What is it?"

The elderly lady flaps it energetically in my face, and it tickles my nose. Okay lady, calm down. "This." she shakes it even harder, and fuck. I think it hit my eye. "Is Angeal's email. If you want to talk to him, you can do it yourself."

"Whoa! Really?" I think I'm beaming like a madman. Excitedly, I reach my hand out to grab it but right when my fingers graze the corner of the napkin, she pulls it away. She's smirking. What. The. Hell. This old lady is smirking at me! Flippin' stupid-old-mean-super-sadist-Granny. Sadist!

"What? Come _on, _Granny!" I'm whining and I sure as hell hope I'm annoying her.

"Yameru, look." I'm looking. "Not literally, idiot!" Oh. Okay then. "What I mean to say, Yameru, is that it's not that easy. Midgar is tens of miles away and is a totally different world. Your life is going to change _drastically_ and once you decide to go, there's no turning back. Got it?"

I nod my head vigorously.

"Okay." She still sounds disbelieving. "Now, did you even tell your mom yet?"

I shake my head vigorously.

A sigh heaves her chest, and she brings her hand to cradle her forehead. "Goodness, Yameru. What am I going to do with you?"

Still staring at the tempting white napkin, I try to convince her. "Don't worry, Mrs. Hewley! I'll tell her and I'm just about one hundred percent sure she won't mind." Or won't care.

She raises one gray eyebrow incredulously. "Really now?"

"Of course! I promise."

Granny's still eyeing me like a piece of meat with rabies. Slowly and cautiously, she raises her right hand and sticks out one wrinkly pinky. "Promise?"

I grab it eagerly with my own short finger and bring my thumb up to lock it. "Promise!"

"Okay." She hands me the napkin and I grab it from her before she can do the stupid ha-got-you-what-now trick. "He might be busy, so I don't know if he'll answer right away but he tends to check his email every night."

I nod fervently, not really paying attention. Excitement for myself, for Yameru, is actually coursing through my veins for the first time. It's new and awkward, but oddly addicting.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

I examine the napkin closely and wince at the dull, boring email address. Ew. I can already tell that Mrs. Hewley's son is a tight ass or at least something close to it. I _know_ it's a professional email, but come on!

Shrugging it off, I log into my email account and type his address slowly and carefully into the correct box. Okay, first impressions, Yameru! This has to count!

* * *

** Yamberries to AngealHewleySD December 28****th**** 4: 35 pm**

Subject: SOLDIER Applications

_ "_Hello, is this Angeal Hewley? I am Yameru Immanis from Banora Village and I'm planning to join SOLDIER during the next year starting in February. Your mother referred me to you for some help with submitting my applications."

* * *

Whew. Okay, I read it one more time, sounds humble, respectful, shy, and a little bit awkward—absolutely perfect. Mwah! Yameru, you're awesome. Grinning, I click send excitedly and watch as the page loads.

"_Your message has been sent."_

"Cool." I mutter to myself, now all I have to do is wait for his reply.

And I'm waiting. I glance at the clock and suppress the whine in my throat. Five minutes. Ten. Twenty. Thirty. For—Okay, stop it! I slap myself. Fuck, harder than I mean to. Rubbing my cheek, I mumble to myself, sounding more like a deranged hobo than I would like. "Okay, Yameru, calm down. He's a busy man. A very busy man. You need to just be patient and wait. You smell like a crap. Go take a shower. Yes. A shower. A shower. Whee. You're cool, Yameru, you're cool."

Oh gawd, why can't I stop talking to myself? My eyes still glue to the screen as I walk backwards from the laptop and backwards past the door. "I'm watching you."

I creep myself out sometimes.

Take a crap. Ten minutes, damn I should not eat that left over take-out. Take a shower. Twenty minutes. Eat the take out. Twenty mintues. Take another crap. Fifteen minutes.

Dammit!

I'm standing outside my own bedroom door, hands trembling and contemplating whether or not I should go in and face that damn bright computer screen. Slowly, I calculate in my head. Ten plus twenty plus twenty plus fifteen. Alrighty, forty five minutes.

Wait, what?

Ah, screw it! With a heroic grunt, I throw open the door and, and yes! Oh tonberries, yes! _"1 unread message"_ flashes across the top of the window in bold black letters.

I think I just came.

Sprinting, I jump into my spinning chair in front of my laptop and click excitedly, ignoring the aching of my anus.

* * *

** AngealHewleySD to Yamberries December 28****th**** 5:47 pm**

Subject: Re: SOLDIER Applications

"Yes, this is Angeal Hewley. It's great to see such a youth as yourself follow your dreams since there are so many young ones nowadays who act carelessly. I must warn you that SOLDIER is a harsh association and it can beat you down ruthlessly. However, if you have the will to follow your dreams, than I support you. It would be great to have a fellow Banoran here in SOLDIER. Do me a favor and tell mother I said hello, would you?"

* * *

Ew. My face scrunches up at the sheer stick-in-the-assness of his reply. I could actually feel it radiating and screaming at me through the typed, electronic message. This guy needs to loosen up. Big time. I cast out all regard and common sense out the window because dang it, I can't stand stiffness. I pat myself on the back, Yameru, you've got his mama on your side, there's nothing to fear.

* * *

**Yamberries to AngealHewleySD ****December 28****th**** 5:51 pm**

Subject: Re: SOLDIER Applications

"Shuddup foo! Now hurry up n send me da app r imma bust yo mama's ass on u. u sure dey even accept gurls in 2 solja? If dey don' n u b wastin my time. Im gunna rape u, foo"

* * *

**AngealHewleySD to Yamberries ****December 28****th**** 5:54 pm**

Subject: Re: SOLDIER Applications

Excuse me? Well if I'm correct about what you just said. Yes, they accept girls into SOLDIER, it just doesn't happen often. There were actually a few, I think three, who joined last year but they ended up quitting somewhere along the semester.

_Download Attachment – SOLDIER Application_

_

* * *

_

**Yamberries to AngealHewleySD ****December 28****th**** 5:56 pm**

Subject: Re: SOLDIER Applications

'scuse urself u noob. Srsly who actlly tlks prprly on da net. NOOOOOOB. now when do I gotta turn dis shit in buy?

* * *

**AngealHewleySD to Yamberries ****December 28****th**** 6:01 pm**

Subject: Re: SOLDIER Applications

Are you sure you're a girl? Wow, kids these days are getting crazier than I thought. Nonetheless, you are a true Banoran! I can feel your Banoran energy and pride through the endless boundaries of the internet. If you can put such energy into your SOLDIER training, I'm sure you'll be able to be successful in accomplishing your dreams. The applications are due by, actually, by the end of this week. They'll be approved in two more weeks and I'll be sure to put in a good word for you! Always hold on to your Banoran pride!

* * *

**Yamberries to AngealHewleySD ****December 28****th**** 6:03 pm**

Subject: Re: SOLDIER Applications

U tlk lik a frk! Psh bet ur a pedobr dats y u joined solja huh? 2 rape da prtty lil' bois, grosss. Ol' man, u nd to gt a lif n gt layd foo'

* * *

**AngealHewleySD to Yamberries ****December 28****th**** 6: 06 pm**

Subject: Re: SOLDIER Applications

Okay. I'm going to ignore you now, Yameru. I have a meeting with some Shinra executives about the upcoming SOLDIER trainees. I'll mention you, since you're probably our only female recruit. I'll them about your _enthusiasm, _for lack of a better word_._ Keep your pride!

* * *

I finish reading the last message and sigh, pushing myself back into the leather chair. You got this, Yameru! He likes you, you're doing great. He's recommending you and everything's humpty dumpy in a bag!

Angeal Hewley seems like a nice guy, a bit loose in the head and rather obsessive with Banora Village and pride but eh. At least he's cool. A bit stern, but cool. I grin to myself and happily spin in my chair, I like him.

I come to a stop after four minutes of nauseating twirling and remember the application. I skim back up through the replies and find the download file. Click. Open. Print.

A whistle pulls at my lip--that is a _lot_ of information. Gross, paperwork. I grab the chunk of freshly inked paper by the corners and hold it far, far away from me. I don't want to be contaminated by its paperworkness. I exceptionally adore my stupidity, thank you very much.

I practically skip out the dark room and downstairs towards my mother's office. The light's on, yes! Carefully, I crack open the door and tip toe in, still giggling to myself.

"Mommy?" I sing in my sickest, sweetest voice.

"Hm?" She doesn't even look up from her work.

"Can you fill this out for me?" I place the large stack of papers on her desk. "I want to join SOLDIER."

Her head snaps up and she's finally looking me in the eyes. "What did you say?"

"I said I want to join SOLDIER." All the giddiness has vanished to thin air and I find myself in a ridiculous staring contest with my own mother.

"Are you an idiot?" Her words come out harsh and I find myself wincing, as if she hit me. "You want to join SOLDIER? Yameru, you couldn't possibly find a crueler, more idiotic joke. Now, if you have nothing else to do but prank me, please get out of my office.

I push the stack of papers directly in front of her, a little bit of insecurity etches itself into my voice. "No, mother, I'm serious."

She rips her reading glasses off the bridge of her nose and glares. She's angry, and for some reason, I feel a little satisfied. "Yameru, shut your mouth and stop it. I cannot stand anymore of this. This…this bullshit!"

I roll my eyes at her, is cussing that hard? "No, mom, I'm not going to. This isn't bullshit. I'm serious."

Bang! She's on her feet now, hands gripping tightly at the corner of the table. She's screaming, and I feel like I'm about to go deaf. "I said stop this, Yameru! Stop it! Stop it, stop it, _stop it!"_

I'm scoffing for some reason, that good mood I came in with is already cast away to some unknown place. "No, mom, _you_ stop it. Open your damn eyes! I want to leave this place, I can't live here anymore."

"You brat." She's yelling, and bits of her saliva cling to my cheek, "Ungrateful brats! All of you are. Always leaving when you want, always saying goodbye when you want, always thinking everything is about you! Yameru, you will _not_ be going anywhere. You will stay here and you will live here, whether you like it or not."

"Look at me!" I can't differentiate pity and anger at this point. "I'm not Valin. I'm not Yuan. I'm _not_ father! I'm Yameru, dammit. Can't you _please_ see that?"

"No." She's shaking her head stubbornly, but her face seems more tired. "No, I won't let you leave."

My teeth clench unbearably tight. "So what? You think tying me down here is going to make me love you?"

She glares with just as much defiance, and in the back of my mind I think, ah. This is where our stubbornness comes from. "Oh? Yameru, and what? Letting you go, will that make you love me? Letting you go dozens of miles away to join a _fucking_ military program where there are worse things than dying? Is _that_ supposed to make you love me?"

"I." My head is beginning to throb again. "Yes.I—just please? Please, mother, please! I just." My words are stumbling over each other and I'm feeling more and more like an ignorant child. "_Please."_

Again, I notice, she looks older. Her scalp is sprouting new white and gray hairs and the wrinkles on her face seem to be multiplying. But more than anything, her back slumps and she looks painfully small. Her hazel eyes stare at me, analyzing. I stiffen and try to look strong. I think I'm failing, but in the end, she falls back into her large leather arm chair, looking feeble.

She gathers up the large stack of papers in her tiny, thin fingers and slips her glasses back around her ears. "When do you need these by?"

I repress the smile that threatens to engulf my face. "This Friday."

"Tch. Always doing this last minute, aren't you?" Mother grabs a pen and buries her face in the mountain of papers and print. "Now, leave. So I can do my work."

I nod, feeling extremely complacent and still a little blank, mind not fully comprehending what's happening. Before I walk out the door, I hear her whisper. "Yameru, if you go. Will you promise to send letters?"

I turn around, a little shocked, a little curious, a little happy. "Of course, Mom."

The last thing I do before I tread up to my room, is visit Valin, lifeless in his tiny little wheelchair. Walking up to him, I gaze at him in the slight sliver of light creeping through the rough, lacy curtains. I kneel at his feet, and almost timidly place my head on his skinny knees.

I stay there for a long while, not sure how many hours past but I do know the night gets deeper and darker. Memories seem to crawl their way slyly into my mind and I remember when he teased me, when he hit me, when he joked with me, when he laughed with me. When he lived with me.

His eyes are blank and say nothing, his lips drip some more saliva, and his face is even paler in the moonlight, but he's still beautiful.

I reach up and hug him. "Valin."

_I'm alive._

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

AAAAAAhhhhh! Yameru's trolling burns my eyes and murders my brain-cells. I think I just got even stupider. She came out crack-licious in this chapter. I was trying to show how much less burdened she feels with Valin out of the way, as cruel as it sounds. Hopefully, I pulled it off.

I mentioned 'pride', 'Banora', and 'dreams' about sixty times in Angeal's emails, hopefully I got him in character. XD

Thanks for reading and remember to review, review, review :D


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